7 Hard Truths From My Divorce (and What You Can Learn From My Mistakes)
Whether you’ve been through a divorce or you’re heading in that direction, I want to share seven hard truths that have come out of the previous chapter of my life.
Many years ago when I was a pastor, I would help my staff review any event we hosted by “celebrating” what went well and “learning” from what didn’t go as planned. Frankly, I’m not that good at celebrating (yet), but I seem to have quite the propensity to dive deep in to what didn’t go so well and really understand what could be done better next time.
That’s not only true about events, but especially about my life!
In many ways, I think I’m a slow learner, because I keep seeing many of the same patterns come up over and over again in my life. I may be a bit slow, but I am definitely committed to growing until the day comes when my essence leaves this earthly body.
And…I’m committed to sharing my personal learnings along the way.
What a waste for me to go through a challenging experience, learn life lessons, and then just keep them to myself! If I can help you learn something by sharing my own painful experiences, I would be honored to serve you in that way.
With that being said…over the past two years, I’ve been reflecting deeply on my divorce with the help of a therapist, neo emotional release practitioner, breathwork, meditation, prayer, and conversations with close friends.
Divorce is one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through…and I’m the one who chose to go through it.
There are so many personal learnings that have come (and continue to come) through the process, so I’m choosing to share “7 Hard Truths From My Divorce (and What You Can Learn From My Mistakes)” over the next few weeks for two reasons…
Writing allows me to process these truths at a deeper level, which subsequently deepens my learning and stimulates growth.
If there’s any way that I can help you prevent a divorce or recover from one, I would be honored.
Below is the first “hard truth” where you’ll learn why I was willing to risk everything to feel love again by having an affair with a woman who turned out to be a drug dealer. (I’ll share the rest over the next few weeks.)
I risked everything to feel love, and it almost killed me. (1 of 7)
In early 2021, I felt like I was walking around in a dark forest…stumbling into trees shrouded by low thick clouds. Everything felt heavy and dense and confusing.
My dog had recently passed away.
Our daughter had moved out of the house.
Our teenage son was distant and in his own world.
My new business was not going as I had hoped.
My marriage felt more like a familiar friendship than anything else.
I was lost and ungrounded.
Something inside me was longing to simply sit on the front steps of the home where I grew up in Bowling Green, Kentucky, so I made the trip from southern California with the intent of revisiting childhood memories to find my grounding. (Google Maps photo below)
I thought…if I could just stand on the ground where I have such fond memories of my childhood, maybe that will help me find my way out of this fog and confusion.
I wanted to feel like there was solid ground underneath my feet again.
After making the flight to Nashville and driving the hour up to Bowling Green, I headed straight for 1415 Nutwood…the primary home I wanted to visit and feel the memories of my childhood.
As I turned down the street, I checked every house number until I get to 1415…and there was nothing but an empty lot.
All the other houses were there…on the entire street…except mine!
I called my friend Stacey and asked, “What does this mean? I can’t believe I came all the way here. This has to mean something!”
She replied, “What does it mean to you? You can make it mean whatever you want it to mean.”
“It means that my life is a blank slate…an empty lot where I can build whatever I choose.”
The question is…what do I want to build?
Oftentimes, we end up building something on the empty lot of our lives out of an internal need rather than a proactive plan…and that has been true for me.
I wanted to feel loved more than anything else in my life. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that I was valuable and worthy and loved. At that point in my life, I had been taking two anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety medication for about 15 years, and I couldn’t feel much of anything.
I desperately wanted to FEEL loved!
I have learned that I am a powerful manifestor, and when I desire something in a strong way, it comes walking into my life.
Within a matter of weeks, a 30-something woman walked into my life, and she asked me for marketing support for her start-up baking business.